This is the last post of this blog.
Why the last one? Just because Dorotti grew up. The all nonstop questioning voice within had disappeared and it’s filled with piece most of the times. However, I sit here to write this text just because the Facebook started pinging me recently almost every other day “your readers wants to hear from you.” Ok. Why not. It might not be entirely clear, but I started this blog with a certain goal. I was travelling through the very hard times in my life. Still, for some reason, I always had a very strong belief that I will go through, and I just wanted to share the journey with the others, and giving the proof that you can reach everything you want. Well, not everything. But most of it.
Before writing this text I went through my previous texts, and well.. I feel a bit humble, and not sure if I am still able to write in the same way.. Well, my English was a bit of a crap, but Lithuanians ones, quite lovely. Wasn’t those? ; ) So.. with this I just wanted to say.. be thankful for your inner demons. Sometimes they give you some super power ; )
But let’s come back to my initial goal. What I had learn during those years? Well, a lot.
Lack of the self confidence might be one of the most common reasons to feel unhappy. We blame ourself not being good enough, but at the same time, we blame the others for not delivering to our expectations. And only when you learn to love yourself and forgive for what you are not, you can honestly forgive all the others also. It’s not easy though.
To my understanding, most of lack of self confidence come from some very certain physical flaw. It might be just your look, or some actual health problems. Let’s admit that. In our world there are very few people gifted with strong health, even at young age. The problem that we hide that (or sometimes don’t even know). We feel like we are the only one like this in this world. And it’s so so not true. The tough thing is that when we do not feel strong physically, we also feel very sensitive emotionally and is when your demons strike (here for the demons I have in mind any feeling, that you are wrong kind of person, not good enough, or did something wrong, or whatever). Well, I am not saying that I think that everybody has serious illness, but just remember how you feel when you have a back ache, or woman at their menstrual days. It would be really hard to stand in a crowd and speak when you don’t feel good. And we don’t have anyone to help us, the cycle might be locked. As if we feel bad emotionally, you can’t expect strong physical health either. And here, we never know who came first to fail, the emotional of physical health?
One of the most amazing man I had met, had confessed me, that he had lost his sense of smell. How would you feel if you lost your sense of smell? Well.. not so good. But in fact, after he shared this to me, he only strengthen his position in my eyes. We all are a bit broken. And that’s ok.
I want to stop a bit here, and just remind. Even though you are on your down and your demons had overtook you, appreciate it. Really. Why? If you ever study strongest artists, musicians, business leaders and even sportsmen, most of them has those demons chasing them. Luckily, more and more actors start talking about mental health problems. And if you don’t have your demon, you are just boring. Sorry for that. But it a case most of the times. The only thing separating those who succeeded and those who did not, is just a question if they learnt to handle their demons and enable to do work for them, instead of hunting them. Have you ever though, that excitement and anxiety is actually the very same emotion in physical terms? Yet, excitement empowers you with energy, while anxiety just swallows all energy you have. What if you learn to switch those two when you get a bit anxious?
Another thing. Just Trust Yourself. And all what you do. The thing is, that all the things we know and those things we are good at, we don’t value. If we are good at something, we do that easily without efforts, and we also think that all the others can do the same with the same effortless way. It’s so not true. We all have something special, which nobody has. Find that thing, and be proud of it. And no no no, just don’t try to get the confirmation from the others. First of all, you need to be enough with your own opinion. Be proud of you being You. I am proud of You :*
I really spent part of my life hating myself like hell. For absolutely everything. Not being beautiful. Not being smart. Not being strong. I also had a very strong persuasion, that I need to prove the others that I am Worthy.
- “How do you measure your worthiness?”- one wise woman asked me.
- “With the works I had done.” – this was my answer.
- “How you measure your work? When it would make you feel worthy?”. Here I was a bit lost, as I didn’t have a true answer. The only thing which kind of made sense was:
- “Well, it should turn into money I guess. Well yes. It would be measured in money”.
- “How important is money for you? Why you want to earn them?”
- “I don’t care about money at all as long as I am able to cover survival expenses. But if I am able earn money, people would respect me, and would love me”.
- “Do you really think that people would love you only if you earn enough money?” I shrug my shoulders, and almost with tears I said:
- “Didn’t you ever think that people love you just because of you being You?”
- “It’s not possible.”
Now listen carefully. The Most Important thing in your live to be healthy and happy (and then smart, successful and etc.. ) is strong relationship with other people. There were event a study done about this.
Unfortunately, we lose our ability to keep strong relationship. In the book “Outliers: The Story of Success” . The authour gives multiple examples that the great success is mostly depends on 3 things: pure chance, social skills and hours spent on work. The social skills are those learnt in the family and sadly, the poor families tend to spend too few time for their kids education, and also fail to give the good examples how to interact with people. On the other hand, the wealthy families tend to have strong social skills and this way not only give a good example to their children, but also spend time with them enhancing their skills and also simply creating strong relationships.
And what if you didn’t happen to be born in a family with a strong healthy relationship? Well, you simple need to learn it yourself. In my case the author who put all the dots on i, was the Dale Carnegie. I had read couple of his books and I felt like I found the lost treasures of the human kind. The funny thing what I understood, that all those things I really wanted from the others, never ever dared(yes exactly, I did not dare) to give myself to the others.
Be very sure of this: “Nobody would ever (truly) love you for the works you had done, or for the money you had earned. It will never ever happen.” And instead: “People would love you if you make them feel good.” Simple as that. So, how do you ensure you make them feel good? On the most important thing is to simply appreciate them honestly and let them feel truly important. In here, the willingness to be better, than the others can play an opposite role: being better than the others would only make them feel less worthy, and they would avoid you. And instead, if you make them feel better than the others, they will really want to be with you. Here I do not say, that you should become a mat under someone feet. For the only reason: nobody would get inspired by the mat. You need to inspire people as well. You need to help them achieve their goals and not only take pride of our own. You’ve better be silent with your own achievement. Your actions speak better than words.
Funny thing is that most of my life I was taught completely opposite things. No wonder I was failing to reach my happiness. Luckily, I found that most of those things I somehow felt inside me, but never released them to work, just because was taught to behave differently.
Now remember this: If you ever meet someone who is not nice to you, just try to behave super nicely and honestly:(if only he engages in the conversation) first of all listen to him attentively and make sure you understand his opinion. Try to point those parts where you agree with him. Try to give him feeling he is understood and you care of him. But do that really honestly. And see what happens. No, I won’t say you. You need to check it out yourself.
Of course, those things not always work and some lost relationship you need to forget. As same Dale Carnegie said “There is nothing more devastating than waiting the phone to ring”. You just need to let it go. No matter what you do, you might never be good enough for someone, which doesn’t say anything about your actual performance. You just need to let it go, and take it as a lesson. It’a a really valuable lesson after all. Also, if you give something to others, never ever expect to get the same from the very same people. In life you give to one people, and receive from the others. This is how it works. And it’s ok. I have one story about this.
Once I landed in Oslo after long connected flight in the morning, so basically I didn’t sleep at night, as needed to take the flight. And once I reached the airport I felt so tired that about to fall down. I needed to hurry to the office as I had a fixed meetings, but I felt like I die if I don’t get some food. I headed to the nearest cafe and ordered smoothie, cake and a coffee… and.. my card was not working and I din’t have cash either. My other card was under procedure of replacing, so not working either, and I found myself being in the most expensive country with no money. I felt like it starts pinging in my ears, when I heard: “I will pay for her coffee”. It was the “coffee” for ~15eur and someone had payed just like that. When I relaxed from the shock, I had approached the person trying to thank him. Well, there were nothing else I could do. I just wanted to say him how much it means for me. All what he answered was: “No worries. I simply needed some extra karma points today.” I lend him all my “karma points” I had at that time. And after this happening I am always looking if maybe my extra karma point might hang around. I think this coffee pot initiated so much more karma points being exchanged, as I keep telling this story to everybody, and it’s only sad he might never know about this. But please share your karma points for the others as an honour for this very nice person.
One note for those who know me personally. Never ever think, that I try to do the tricks to make relationship. I so love and very honestly appreciate all my friends, and just trying to be there for you just because I really want to be there for you if only I can. I was studying all those things just to understand what I do wrong, when actually all what I really wanted was just to love and being loved.
Was I completely honest that my demons are gone? Nope. They are still there. And this is my Super Power 😛 And my demons greets yours ; ) Say Hello ; )
I can’t stop listening the song bellow and the meaning of the lyrics:
( And just look how he looks at her in the film interviews.. OMG.. And she is really worth it.. She also had confessed she was suffering from depression. )